“Literally,” literally, spinning my wheels

Sometimes it feels like things just never change.

Sittin’ on my duff, doin’ homewerk

One month ago, back in the state of Utah, this was my all-day hangout spot.

My little hangout

My spot in Utah looked like this. Nothin’ fancy

I sit there…my eyes peeled to my (large) monitor across the room…

…my legs sprawled out…

…while I work on homework n’ stuff.

That homework, by the way, is all great material: Dickens, Tennyson, Pope, and Mallory…

I don’t mind it, or even the assignments.

But the sticky part is that it’s for an English teaching certificate.

All this work just for a little piece of paper that says I can teach? Ya.

Man, is it tough to be in your mid-thirties going back to school.

Just sit and sit…head against the wall…the only movement is typing on the keyboard.

The lack of physical motion sometimes makes me feel like I’m not getting anywhere.

I already feel capable of doing work to be paid for this! Not the other way around!

Gr-rrr. Continue reading

Just the memory, please. Thank you very much.

We recently gave away essentially everything we own. Here’s a brief account of what it was like to give up the the part that was most precious to me.

Good heavens, but where did they all come from?

I have loads of drawings–almost two decades worth of “favorites” that I thought worth saving.

Piles and piles of drawings

A small sample of the drawings I owned.

For seventeen years, every time the stack of drawings on my studio desk would build up to around a hundred pages, I would throw away most, but quickly thumb through to keep just “the best ones.”

Sometimes I kept a drawing because I thought I might enjoy the inspiration later.

Other times it was because it held some idea I thought worth making into a finished piece.

Or, I was proud of the skill development represented.

And, of course, my art instructors encouraged me to keep them so that I could observe my progress over time.

It’s a thing we artists do.

In fact, once, when I met with the famous James Christensen, he showed me several shelves full of sketchbooks. They were marvelous.

A tree trunk of drawings

Whatever the impetus, the result was that I had many sacred tubs of scribbles.

Each time I moved apartments I lugged these things around, laughing to myself that they were, in a way, giant tree trunks (paper comes from wood, you know).

The person holding the other end of my 200 lb. tub was usually too busy gasping for air to do more than politely smile at my metaphor. 

But, I suppose now I should say, “I had loads of drawings.”

They’re all gone. Continue reading

Yet a Little More: Gratitude in Action!

A study in how life is easier when we have a perspective of gratitude.

Oh, my beloved memory foam chair

So, I’ve been thinking a lot about gratitude lately. It can make all the difference, so they say.

Right now we’re moving to a new state.

And I have this chair that I love, love, love.

My fancy studio chair

My fancy studio chair

Brand new, this chair would cost $1200.

Has a bazillion little doohickey adjustments to support your back…

…It’s made of memory foam…

Oh so nice.

And What?

Also, I have something else.

Well, my wife has something else, and I am soooooooooo lucky to have my wife.

So, I “have” something else in proxy through her.

Fat Cat - Kitty Door

Enter Jack, our big-boned cat

A large, snuggly, and sometimes ornery cat.

My wife LOVES this cat, whose name is Jack. And I am SO happy that Jack makes her happy.

(Are you picking up that I am not normally fond of pets? Continue reading

Patterns in the Leaves

Brass tacks on storytelling in the Beus world.

Vroom, vroom, vroom…

“So, what’s new, Beus? Whatchu been up to lately?”

When I’m working out calculus on my master’s degree my mind be like…

“Hmm…I bet I could use this program solver to feed a string of literature prose as a data graph to use for network analysis in comparing tropes across different periods of classic literature.” 

Made of Math

The urge to create is a beast–even when doing logic! It must be let out!

Obey the Fist! Invader Zim

What am I up to, creatively, you might ask? Continue reading

Yukon, Ho!

The aftermath of all those fun vicissitudes–a part II blog post, if you will–and a voice from something deeper.

I simply owe too much

With all of those vicissitudes I mentioned in the last post (catch up here!), I’ve had to ask myself why it is I like creative endeavors and whether or not I want to keep doing it.

Definitely, yes. I’m in it for the Love.

Thrown Out The Tower - For Love

There are too many good memories in my life of finding myself as a tweenager, teenager, and “twenty-ager” through reading beautiful stories that made me want to be a better person.

I can’t live with myself if I’m not at least trying to contribute something to this never ending story that we as a human race create.

The Never Ending Story

I simply owe too much.

Just make a new plan, Stan

This is how things are unfolding. (But I make no promises that it will stay this way!) Continue reading

Roller Coaster - Mr Bean

Those Fun Vicissitudes of Life

The dust is settling, and I have chance now to reflect and think about what I could have done better.

Those Fun Vicissitudes of Life

The last two years were a season for change.

I was fortunate enough to marry the love of my life. Hooray!

Bryan and Amanda Beus

We found out we would not be able to have children naturally… 🙁 Booo.

Thumbs Down - Gladiator

After six years of toil, I finished writing and illustrating my first novel! Hooray!

Westly - Book Jacket

At the same time, my eyesight got so bad that, for awhile, I could not see the hand in front of my face. 🙁 Booo.

Thumbs Down - Sandler

We decided that in light of all the change, that I should seek new career skills, and I started an MBA with Carnegie Mellon. Hooray!Elmo - Happy Dance

And with taking a break from art and drawing all day, my eyesight has mostly returned. Hooray!

Happy Dance

And, on our last try at IVF (in vitro fertilization), we became pregnant! Hooray!

Happy Dance - Ellen Show

We found out the gender: It’s a boy! Hooray!

Little Rascals - Oh Boy

Hooray, hooray, hooray!

Why is it so hard to be grateful?

Funny how things go up and down. I’ve had a good chance to learn to be grateful, but at times, I admit, I’ve really, really struggled with this. Continue reading

How You Know You Have a Great Mom (…and a kitty gif)

Kitty Wrinkles

A kitty playing with bed sheets, for your viewing pleasure. And now…on with the blog post.

A moment when my mother revealed what kind of a mother she is.

Bicycles and Suitcases Do Not Mix

Earlier this week I stayed the night at my parents’ house while traveling nearby for a doctor’s appointment.

I traveled primarily on bicycle.

Suitcases and bicycles do not mix.

All that I could bring, therefore, was what would fit in my backpack. Continue reading

Update on Stuff – May 2017

Youtube update on things, strabismus, motivation, etc.

Quick synposis

Trying a few new things medically. I hope to be doing some art at some point in the near future (less than a year?).

It’s been interesting over the last year, having to put my passions on hold while we figure out how to get past this obstacle of strabismus. It’s given me time to think about why it is that I like sharing stories, doing art, etc.

At the bottom of it all, I really enjoy simply sharing my life and passions with people. I enjoy watching all the stories from people online, both from people known and unknown.

Many stories out there have brightened my life and my day. And at the times that I’ve been able to brighten the lives of others, I just get such a kick out of that.

Things may not ever be the way they were before–i.e. full-time all day every day working on stories–and that’s okay! But I really, truly love these things, and I hope to contribute

And I want to share those with you. So we’ll see how things go.

Finding the right motivation to keep in shape

Tying in my goals to be in shape with my passions is the most successful thing I’ve done so far.

The problem with gyms…and running…and diets…and…

The Rock at the Gym

Like most adult Americans, I’ve tried dozens of strategies to get my body healthy. Most attempts end in a climactic pizza-for-breakfast fest.

My first good attempt was Body for Life, a “12 Weeks to Change Your Life” strategy. You know the type: the weight-loss program where you see before and after pics of people that look too amazing to be true, except they are true?

I followed the program. Lost twenty pounds! And then life got busy, and I went right back to where I was before.

Dang.

Eating at the Gym

Next, Continue reading

An Unexpected Blessing of Marriage

Places in my mind that I had to work so hard to keep empty before marriage evolve in a surprising way now that I’m hitched.

Born and raised a good ol’ M’armon

Growing up as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (a.k.a. the Mormons), I had to follow super strict rules.

Among those rules, perhaps the hardest was The Law of Chastity: No pornography, no masturbation, no sex before marriage, and keep those thoughts in your brain super squeaky clean.

That last one in particular–clean thoughts–for an imaginative young boy: that was a doozey. Continue reading